so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
