Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
