I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
