Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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