So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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