Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
