that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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