i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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