Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
