bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
