There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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