yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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