I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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