i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
