wanna go halves on a baby?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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