why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
