he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
