Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
