well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
