You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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