Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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