just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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