Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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