Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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