I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
