U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
