I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
