I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
