It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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