was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I yelled at your uterus for you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
