So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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