Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
