Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
