sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
