I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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