I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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