so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
