I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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