apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
