Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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