first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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