I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I did not marry a roomba.
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