I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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