I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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