Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
