I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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