look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
