I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
