Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
