Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
