I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
