Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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