yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So squirting runs in the family.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
