I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
