I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
