Duck Duck Cougar?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
