This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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