Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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