You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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