Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He shit in the fireplace
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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