how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
