i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
