Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
