just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
