I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
