these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
