We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
