My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
