I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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