dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
