are you still at the devil's house?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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