Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Text me some of your sweat
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
