she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
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I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
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Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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