6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
