i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
