In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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