so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
