you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
