i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
