So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
